What happened yesterday?
There are days when in the living of them I am so drained I feel my energy seeping into my feet, everything is heavy. My hands are heavy, my feet feel cast in concrete and usually that is when the things I don’t want to do rise high above the things I think would be a pleasure to do.
This is probably why I didn’t last as a county bureaucrat.
Even as I write this, five lousy minutes of writing, my to-do list is flapping her jaw about things I must do right away or the world may explode or something equally unenticing like cleaning the oven by force or fire.
Back to yesterday.
Yesterday I took trash out, repeatedly, at two homes.
I fed animals and children and myself. I washed dishes. I did laundry. I honored requests.
I wrote, blessed God I wrote.
I wrote a poem I am proud of.
I wrote a poem that scared me, that leaped from the page and seemed pretty good and people I like liked the poem so that says something to me.
I felt self conscious yesterday about the poem and sometimes that makes me worry I did something wrong, that usually makes me want to hide but yesterday I didn’t hide. I fought the urge and I stayed present and I wrote. I wrote. I wrote.
Yesterday I cried, just a little, and I felt sorry for myself briefly and I kept moving.
Yesterday I took the trash to the curb because they keep coming early and if I don’t remember the night before, all trash hell breaks loose (or threatens to, not unlike the world explosion or the oven cleaning by force.)
I keep writing. I keep writing.
I smile because this feels good even if it is just gobbled gook it feels good and I know that bits and pieces of it will flow into story somewhere somehow I can feel. I am allowed to feel good even when aspects of my day feel pretty lousy. I am allowed to feel better.
I am allowed to feel self-conscious and say “Hey, this was pretty cool after all!
The timer goes off and I laugh, because the writing started so slowly and built as I let my fingers type aimlessly about what happened yesterday. If someone had asked me what happened ten minutes ago I would have said, “Nothing much!”
Julie Jordan Scott
is the founder and creator of 5For5BrainDump. She has been inspiring artistic rebirth since 1999.