I am frustrated. I’ve been sitting here an hour and very little is working. I almost wrote nothing, but that would be untrue and I am focused on being truthful, tenacious and truthful.
Like a weasel, I'm holding on with my teeth clamped shut around the prey even if the prey is just a barrage of thoughts I’m pouring from my head to the page. Keep coming words, we have a shared space in our dance card. We’re in this marathon of life to be more than mediocre.
(Oh, I like that line. And that’s why I keep moving my fingers, pouring my words into a screen on a frustrating computer 3,000 miles from home because I’m tired of the alternative – not writing. I miss my home computer but I’m not home and I have an option – well, a couple.)
Tap on my iPad keyboard or my phone or type here – faster – or my notebook, workable and this, right now is the balm I need. None of the others will do and even if I can’t immediastely publish and share I must insist this is just right. This is unfathomably wonderful.
One more minute in my five.
I take my hands away from my face and I write.
I feel the tiredness filling my veins and I write anyway. What is my wondrous next?
I’ll settle for my sucky next, at least I am writing.
I think I’ll take a shower in the morning, finish packing my bag tonight and offer my whole self to sleep. Tomorrow I’ll be back to the keyboard I know and love and the rest of the world may or may not even care I wrote this: what matters is I do.
I care. I write. I love. I laugh. I cry. I make mistakes. I have victories. I dare to not understand what the heck I’m doing and knock on the cellar door of destiny after years. I’m not flirting anymore, I’m not hiding. I am serious. I’m not ready, but that concept of readiness no longer matters.
You're here. That’s what matters now. Let's Do This.
Let’s do this.
Julie Jordan Scott
is the founder and creator of 5For5BrainDump. She has been inspiring artistic rebirth since 1999.